Hannah tucks the trump back into her very slim bag, and picks up the latest summary of her scientific gleanings for her father. These she packs away in a document tube. She ties back her hair and changes into riding pants. Then, it is off to the stables to retrieve Misae for the ride into the forest.
Misae is anxious to be out of the stables. Her tail is hooked and she's less patient than usual with the stablehands who saddle her up. Once she's ready and Hannah is mounted, she starts to move forward.
Hannah notes that Aramsham's stall is empty, as is Morgenstern's. Most of the horses here now are not anyone's in particular's.
The day is more than half gone, between the trips up and down the hill and the time in the clinic. There's still plenty of time to get to the ranger encampment, but probably not back, at least not while it's light.
Once Misae is warmed up, Hannah lets her gallop just as fast as she pleases wherever it's open enough. Hannah's not too worried about staying overnight in the woods. She does keep an eye out hoping not to overrun a patrol or watch-post.
Misae warms up on the climb to the top of the ridge, and gallops along the cliffside and through the verges of the forest towards the encampment. She seems almost disappointed when Hannah pulls her up short at the ford that marks the edge of the compound. There are sentries, but they seem relaxed. The rangers here will take Misae to their paddock and direct Hannah to her father.
He's helping some men who are learning basic survival in Broceliande; the properties of local herbs, the animals, and such. The group consists of mostly young men of the various tribes brought here over the past few months, and also seems to have a few strangers. Hannah isn't sure where the sharp-nosed men wiith the curly hair came from, but they weren't here the last time she visited.
Her father hands the class over to a woman Hannah hasn't met, and comes to greet her.
"Hello, daughter." He looks her up and down.
"Hello Papa. It seems poor Misae isn't getting enough exercise. She's not happy. I was thinking I should leave her with you and take back a more retiring creature. You're still looking... well." She smiles, forcing it through her continued discomfort at her father's youthful appearance.
Hannah can't disguise her feeling about her father from her father. "Still looking at my outward appearance? At least I did not go back to before my voice deepened, or you would not have recognized me at all. But, if you considered me as a forest, not a tree, you would not be surprised by renewal. You do know how old your Cousin Paige is, I take it?"
She rolls her eyes at him. "Paige is not my daddy. I'll acclimate. Give me a few years. By then, my child will be calling you grandfather. That ought to ease my mind."
He nods. "Quite right. Paige would make a horrible father. So many people we have met who are not as they seem, and you expect us to be so? Have you started on your project yet, or do you intend to wait until the last minute?"
Hannah makes a face. "I started. I worked at it. I thought about it. I've decided not to carry on with it. I feel the risks to the universe outweigh your life. Sorry Papa." She means the last, but it changes nothing. She pulls the tube holding her papers off her shoulder and offers it to him. "Not that it has to mean your life. That's your choice."
The rangers continue to ignore the father and daughter, but there is plenty of activity around them. Hannah spots Brooke amongst Rangers, trying to look inconspicuous. She and her brother are likely up to something.
Estimaza clears his throat and replies. "It's unlike you to give up so quickly, especially when you've got forty-nine and a bit years left on the time you asked me. Tell me what you worked at and what your thoughts were. I at least should have the advantage of whatever work you did on the matter."
"I don't know that you should, but that's what's in the tube." She is distracted from the matter at hand though, and gives her father a suspicious look. "Did you give Brook and Leif a mission?"
He puts his hand out for the tube. "Other than 'don't get killed'? Not particularly. You should take a look at 'em sometime. I think they're still somewhat magically connected to whatever made them grow so fast. They're nearly done being children, at least physically."
"I'm taking a look at them right now, and they're up to something. I don't know that you can ever shake the magic of your ancestors completely. I mean, I've spirit walked here... right up here somewhere," she motions. "Why? I mean, really, it's not the same, but sometimes I just feel compelled to do it."
Hannah shrugs, and looks away from the children, back at her father and the tube. "I really do believe you'd have to endanger the universe to answer your question, Papa."
Estimaza shakes his head. "The universe is large, and our place in it small, even when we are more than we once knew. What are all our lives and loves and events to a mountain? The mountains are there, regardless. And across a million, million shadows, what do our actions in one do to the mountain in all those worlds?
"So you have some theory and some knowledge. How is it, in your mind, that I can do worse than could others who died on the Pattern of Amber? What of Pinnobello, who died in such a way, who was rumored to be descended from Oberon The King on both his mother's and father's side?"
Hannah smiles slowly. "How you simplify it and how busy you've been. I didn't know that about Pinnobello. What of him? He's dead, on the Pattern. Rumors are rumors, who knows what the truth was? Anyway, I hold you to a higher standard than just 'not doing worse' than others have." He gets a pointed look. Clearly she's heard something like that from him in the past herself.
"Again, I think it would be bad for the King, and that means bad for Xanadu, and that means bad for the ordered end of the universe, if you were to die on the thing. I think it would be opening a trunk of trouble for you to do the science work to try to figure out if or why you might die doing it. Perhaps a bigger mess even than just trying it and dying. I'm not going to play around and put you off six months. My baby might be born by then, not to mention it's just dishonest."
He snorts. "You'll have your child by then. You're already trying to mother me, which shows a distinct lack of respect for your elders. I hope that your children are less willful than mine were, but I see no reason to expect it."
She sticks her tongue out at him.
"Will your children be able to walk the pattern? Yours and the desert warrior's?"
She shrugs unhappily. "I don't know. Will you wait long enough to find out if knowing the answer changes my mind?"
Es-ti-ma-za shrugs back. It's not clear if he's mocking her or answering. "I have no fear of death, but I am curious about too many other things in this world to seek it immediately. Ask me again when things here are settled. If they become routine, I might have a new answer.
"You seem very distracted, my child. Did you come all the way from the castle just to tell me you were giving up on the project you undertook for me, or was there something else?"
Hannah catches Brooke looking up and following her eyes, finds Leif, 20 feet in the overhanging tree canopy, heading for the forest side boundary of the camp.
Hannah continues to watch the children, only glancing at her father. "Oh, just wanted to make sure you knew I was pregnant before it becomes obvious. That was my secondary purpose. Just being pregnant is distracting. I'm suddenly worried I'll have a child who climbs trees trying to be like their cousin and ends up with a broken neck."
Estimaza nods. "I knew. I have been trying to help the Warden become at one with it. She sometimes finds it easier to take out her issues on others, if she thinks them stronger than herself. It's someone foolish, because she is so often wrong about who might be stronger than she is. Her son, well, he thinks he should die annually to bring renewal to the forest. So far he hasn't but he expects to."
She forces her attention off Leif and back to her father. "And Firedancer says there is a war coming. I don't want to give birth on the edges of a battlefield. So I'm thinking of trying to find a fast place, but part of me wants to be here, let this community be part of the pregnancy. My feelings are conflicted on just about everything right now."
He reaches out and takes her hand and pets it. "Growing up is discovering that every choice has a cost, even if that cost is that the choice is no longer available. You were born in the Blue Earth, but I could not keep you there after your mother was not with me. You would not be yourself if not raised by the community. This tribe is a young one, mixed of so many traditions that know nothing of each other. Danu's children are different from Ponca. They care so much about knowing their place because of their gender. Some of them are adapting to our ways, but some will not listen except to a woman. The community here needs you as much as you need it for your child. Or children. Twins do run in your family."
Hannah's eyes get wide, but then she laughs. "Well, whatever will be will be on that score. As to people ignoring men because they're men, I do sympathize, papa. It is hard to get someone to hear reason when they believe your very gender makes you incapable of it. It will take a generation for everyone to begin to settle in, I expect. In the meantime, what's the structure Paige has them working under? Are there consequences for ignoring a superior based on gender?"
Estimaza's young eyes twinkle. "It takes three generations to change a people. Change is made by the middle aged, against the wishes of the old, for the benefit of the young. When the children who were too young to know the difference are the elders, the and only then has the old way truly passed into 'the time whereof the memory of man runneth not'. This is true for good and bad changes, of course.
"We do not have a military culture, unlike the Danu. We have our own stubborn ways that need their own generations to pass to change, so I try to guide rather than lead, and it's clear that I am favored by your cousin, which helps. I could break some of them, teach them an example, but the example would not be of what I wish our combined tribe to be."
Hannah nods.
"In my way, I try to help the Ponca and the Danu through what is a difficult re-birth. They need enough structure to have something to connect to when the world moves around them faster than their eyes can see. If you wish to be a wise-woman here, helping anchor people, that is what needs doing. That can start with you and your child."
"And stories, hm. We will have to think of some. And what will be most needful up here, if fighting passes this way?"
He takes a cigarette from a pouch at his waist, and offers one to Hannah. "Fighting? I'd want horses, and the plains to ride them on, but that's not how we'd fight and it's not the only way I've fought. We need cohesion most, and discipline, and medical supplies, in that order. But those are guesses, based on no real idea of what we would be fighting, for how long, and to what end.
"There are a few Rangers here from the Old Country, and they tell of years spent fighting monsters from the Black Road, which turned from policing a few stray things to a running battle against an increasingly organized army. Some of them remember fighting for one of your uncles against another of them.
"Tell me more of who we would be fighting, and why."
With a farewell wave to their cousin Edan, Robin and Vere, along with the chirruping fair of fire lizards, continue along the trail towards Prince Julian.
The ride is uneventful, though Vere and particularly Robin begin to see Ranger sign early on. Cadence and whistle-sign mark where they pass lookouts, so that their arrival in camp is anticipated. Other than that, there are no rangers, and no large wildlife in the area. Robin catches hints of old smoke on the wind now and again: someone set a fire at some point, but she guesses it's out now. There's no sign of fleeing creatures.
Robin smiles and relaxes as the Ranger sign becomes noticeable. She slides into old trail protocols easily. And with a playful grin, does not point them out right away to Vere. Knowing how much her Love enjoys a good social puzzle, she'll let him observe and deduce -- only pointing out things with a glance or a tilt of the head if it seems he's missed them.
Vere is quiet and observant, adding the hints he picks up to his slowly increasing knowledge of Cadence and other Ranger communications.
The Ranger trail is clearly marked. It's not one that would be found easily by anyone who didn't know what they were looking for. Robin knows that this must be a forward camp from the New Post, or Brita's Watch, as some of the Rangers have taken to calling it. There will be a source of water, defenses (more and less obvious), and all the other things needful for a camp of this sort: a war camp.
Once they get closer to the camp, Robin gets less playful and more focused on hostile territory protocols -- still not explaining everything to Vere as though he were a child. But more like leading with examples, like he did when he helped her dance at the Masquerade.
With a short burst of birdsong-Cadence, Robin lets the camp know that herself, one "safe" and three "allied wilds" are on approach.
Vere nods slightly to himself when Robin whistles.
After Robin's whistle to notify the camp of the approach, there's a response to tell her to approach freely. The camp is on a war footing, but clearly not in immediate perceived danger of attack from the intonation of the Cadence and the trail sign. The firelizards are making interrogatory noises as Robin and Vere approach the camp, reacting to things they observe that may or may not be clear to the humans.
Entry to the camp from this side will involve fording the river, which protects the camp on three sides. To Robin's eyes, a safe fording point is marked.
Robin points out the ford to Vere, then urges her mount forward. While Robin is reasonably alert, she is also comfortable and relaxed with the environment.
As they enter the camp, Robin is all smiles. She acknowledges the Rangers she knows without interrupting their duties. She heads for the corral without really even thinking about it. To her, this is so much better than a confusing room full of people and things that she doesn't understand the purpose of. Here everything is laid out according to usefulness & need: and so marvelously compact, each Ranger able to gather and disappear with their own gear, leaving nothing behind.
Dismounting, Robin casts her eyes around for the camp lead.
Vere allows Robin to take the lead as they enter the camp. He is watching everything, without seeming to pay attention to anything in particular.
Morgenstern is (nominally) contained in a second corral nearby. The rest of the horses are happy to avoid that end of the corral.
Once Robin and Vere have put their horses away, Needle appears at her side. "Robin," he says, by ay of acknowledgement, and he nods at Vere. "The Warden is in camp and will see you when you're ready." Needle is aware of the firelizards, but doesn't seem overly concerned about them. They are exploring the nearby parts of the camp with interest; the rangers close by are keeping eyes on them but doing nothing to disturb or provoke the potentially dangerous wild creatures.
The Warden's camp tent is visible from the corral. The moment is at hand.
"Thank you, Needle." Robin murmurs, reluctance lining her shoulders. "We'll be there shortly."
Vere returns Needle's nod.
She delays for just one more moment to slip Morgenstern an apple and a fond thump on the side, if he will allow either. And while Robin knows better than most that her father and Morgenstern are two very different beings, she can't help but note carefully how Morgenstern responds to her attentions.
Morgenstern's tail thwaps a little less lazily when she approaches, and he takes the apple. He does not bite Robin's fingers.
Vere watches Morgenstern with a small smile on his face, but he does not approach unless Morgenstern acknowledges him first.
Morgenstern does not deign to notice Vere.
With a smile for the inquisitive lizards, the girl sends her hopes to them that they will keep out of trouble but to stay out outside while she gets chewed out by her bronze.
Then casting a glance at Vere for strength, Robin sighs and straightens her shoulders. Tipping her head to invite Vere to accompany her, she turns and plods toward her Father's tent, every inch the ashamed teen.
Vere nods at Robin when she looks at him, then follows her quietly.
Once there, she claps reluctantly for admittance.
"Enter," Julian says. His tent is much as Robin remembers it, but some things have changed. The tapestries and rugs are new, the furniture has been scarred, and Julian's arms are kept close by, even when his armor is on the block. There is a firelilly on one of the tables, kept far enough from anything but the table it sits on to prevent an explosion.
When Robin and Vere open the flap, the firelizards rush in, and fly at once toward the firelilly. So much for staying outside while she deals with her father.
"Oh, no-no-no-no!" Robin's words come out in a rush as she makes a grab for Peep and Ooot, trusting that Vere can handle Chirrup. "That's his!" She squawks, while her heart reminds the little ones that we do not eat other people's food when it's on the table. Unless, of course, it's offered to us. Which this hasn't been. Eeeeep! Robin flushes with embarrassment.
Vere chirps to the firelizard and interposes between it and the firelilly.
It's going to take more than gentle suggestion to keep the firelizards away from the firelilly. Something like physically removing the firelilly, which is Julian's move in this particular ballet. The lizards are rather intent on getting to the lilly, and Peep chirps angrily at Robin between bouts of chittering at Julian, her tail lashing not unlike a frustrated cat. She can sense a similar fury from the others.
[Vere will actually have to catch hold of Chirrup to stop him from going after the firelilly.]
[He does so.]
While the other two are holding the firelizards, Julian puts a hurricane lamp glass over the firelilly. "That's interesting. I hadn't expected that reaction. Ask them if they think it's thread."
At the word 'thread', the firelizards collectively panic, struggling to break free and get aloft. Their mental mood has shifted dramatically towards Danger! and Attack! They are looking for something that frightens them which they need to kill.
At first Robin is taken aback by the panicking, scrabbling firelizards in her arms. But then, she recognizes the reaction - from deep personal experience.
Dropping to the floor of the tent in a comfortable sitting sprawl, Robin hugs her loved ones tight and begins crooning comfortingly. She sends out waves and waves of 'You are loved. You are not alone. There is no danger.' Just like her little anchors do for her, when the blackness or the panic overwhelms her.
Watching carefully to be sure that the firelizard he holds doesn't start to breathe fire Vere settles next to Robin, so Chirrup will feel included in the calming sounds and emotions.
While Robin and Vere attempt to reassure the terrified firelizards, Julian finishes putting the firelilly away. He remains interposed between the lizards and the flower.
The firelizards, after the initial burst of panic, react well to Robin's attempt to calm them. Whatever stimulus they sensed from Julian seems to have been withdrawn, and the countereffect of Robin's raw, wordless, affection and reassurance pacifies them. They are still frightened after a moment--the concept behind the word Julian used must have been awful to them--but they're no longer blindly lashing out.
"I believe you should escort your friends outside," Julian says, in a perfectly neutral voice, once he's satisfied that they're not going to eat the firelilly or wreck the tent. "I mistook their capacities and I won't make that mistake again."
Vere nods to Julian as he stands and assists Robin in getting the fair out of the tent. Once outside he will turn slowly so Chirrup can see the clear skies all around them.
Robin shoots a sympathetic look to her father and nods as Vere assists her up. She's not really in a word-place right now as she keeps up the waves of reassurance to the little ones. Once outside, she follows Vere's example of letting Peep and Ooot see the sky. Nothing bad is coming, nothing bad is here.
It takes a few minutes, but the firelizards, particularly once they're outside and can see the sky, stop panicking. They are still afraid, then confused, and then finally reassured between Robin's efforts and Vere's assistance, and presumably the lack of further alarm on Julian's part.
Julian appears in the flap of his tent after a minute or two and remains visible long enough for Vere and Robin to see him without attracting undue attention from the firelizards. Once he's sure they've seen him, he closes the flap and appears to be waiting within.
Robin turns sad eyes to Vere. "I was hoping you could help with the talking, but... guess not. But please?"
If Vere agrees, Robin will slowly and carefully transfer Peep and Ooot to his shoulders and arms. The fact that there is someone else in this world that she can trust with them is a miracle beyond words to her. And Robin expresses her joy in that Miracle with a quick warm kiss. Then she takes a moment to reassure the little ones and ask them to please, please stay with warm, nummy, mate-friend for a moment.
Then she steps back. "Okay -- Brita, Hannah, Edan. Did anyone else have messages for him?" She nervously straightens her clothes as she struggles to remember.
Vere accepts the lizards, tilting his hear to look at Robin in slight puzzlement. When she speaks and steps back he growls quietly deep in his throat, then with a look at the fire lizard he stops. "I do wish to assist," he says. "Are you sure they are not recovered enough to find calmness in hunting in the near forest?" He smiles then and shakes his head. "I defer to your better knowledge of them, of course, and if you think they need attention I shall stay with them."
Some of the Rangers are keeping an eye on the situation in a way that suggests they know better than to help a beastmaster with her beasts, but nobody is interfering or saying anything.
When Vere growls, Robin bumps his jaw gently with the top of her head, followed with a nuzzle behind his ear. Canine for 'it's okay.' "Oh, my Love...." Smiling, she takes Vere's hands in hers. Subtly, but not so subtly that she knows Vere won't see and understand it, Robin makes a Cadence gesture requesting privacy from those around them.
She pauses for a moment, letting the words swirl around in her head until they start to clump together into some sort of presentable meaning.
"It... makes me nervous when you say things like that, my Love. I think... you may still underestimate how very wonderful, and much, and... powerful you are. When you were talking with Edan... my Love, my Vere - you are a Great Power. A baby one, true. With shaking legs and still wet from the shell." Robin runs fond fingers through the colored lock of Vere's hair. "But still, a Power."
Vere chuckles at Robin's description of him and ducks his head a little closer to hers when she runs her fingers through the reminder of his walk, and his love.
"And it's... wrong to give that Power or the responsibility for that Power to anyone else. Ever. I know you are starting to understand what you are. I hear those words from you. And I know it's terrifying to know that one holds the power to create and destroy worlds in one's flawed and stumbling hands." Robin rains kisses on Vere's wonderful gentle fingers. "But, but only you can truly know where those flaws are. And only you can truly know where your strengths are as well. Only you can know how best to apply... all that you are to any problem. That knowledge, those skills -- no one else is capable of choosing what is best for you. And given the immense power you are, no one else ever, ever should. Not your Father, not the King and not me.
"When I ask you to help me -- I ask you to bring all of that to me. Not to just do what I say." She shakes her head. "Never to just do what I say. My Vere..." she breathes his name out in wonder, "is not a tool for me to use as I will. But a magnificent partner, who discovers amazing answers where I only see trouble." She chuckles, "I will always love 'He's in. Close the trap, Oberon.'. Brilliant, just brilliant. I could never have done that. Indeed, only Vere could have. And only when he's not just doing what Robin wants.
"Sooo... my problem -- which I'm not explaining well -- is that I told the little darlings to stay outside last time and they didn't. My problem is that the little darlings are empaths: keyed to me and innately tied to my father. And my father and I are about to get very emotional. And it's going to slop over to my little loves." Robin rubs Peep's eyeridge in concern. "I... don't want to hurt them, but this must be done. And I'm asking -- can you help shield them from what's coming, my Love?"
Robin looks to Vere with great green eyes.
"You explain most wonderfully, my love," Vere says quietly. "Never believe that you are not powerful with words yourself. You are. I thank you for what you say of me. You make me believe in myself in a way I have never done before. And I understand your concern for the little ones now. You are correct, if they were outside and felt distress from you they would come to your aid, no matter what. Even as I would, if I could feel it and not comprehend the reasons for it."
He tilts his head to one side. "Do you think that if I take them hunting in the woods around here that will serve to distract them, so long as I stay with them?"
"You could?" she nods, not completely convinced. "But the camp is on a war-standing and we know there are Dragons about. Take someone familiar with the area with you?" She suggests.
"Or maaaayyybbbe music? The little ones respond amazingly to your melodies." She smiles, alight with the memory of firelizard song rising over the Falls of Xanadu. "And it might help Dad and me too..."
Vere laughs quietly. "How can I resist an appeal to my vanity over my music?" he says in a teasing voice. "Agreed, then. I shall sit here with the little ones and we shall make music together, where you can hear us."
"Thank you, my Love." She leans forward for a deep kiss, before reluctantly turning back toward the tent.
Assuming no one has any objections, she'll enter.
Julian is waiting inside for her, with the firelilly still inside its hurricane lamp.
"I didn't expect your firelizards to panic at the mention of thread. They're more sensitive, and less--" he takes a half-pause on the right word "--abstract in their considerations than I expected. I hope they're settled now, and won't decide threadfall is imminent. Nor that this--" he looks at the flaming flower "--is either a threat, or a consumable."
"Vere is seeing to them now. They should remain calmer. I wasn't expecting them to react so strongly either. They're still surprising me, though they've gotten much better. Despite what just happened." She finishes a little shamefacedly.
"Bonded animals can be difficult to control until one is used to controlling them." Julian says this with the weight and finality of experience. "I expect creatures from that section of shadow to have a strong reaction to the concept of Thread--it was what the larger dragons, like Jovian's, were bred to destroy--but they didn't seem to understand the concept of Thread other than in the most concrete form. They seemed to think I was warning them of an imminent attack." He shook his head. "Perhaps later we'll be able to determine why they attacked the firelilly. In the meantime, I will take your report."
“Yessir.” Robin nods.
“Firstly, Edan extends his regrets and his offer of recompense. It seems that following the sextant unexpectedly took his trail across Arden and to a meeting with a portion of The Dragon. He didn’t anticipate that, but felt he shouldn’t deviate once it became apparent what was happening. He’s aware that the course wasn’t in your agreement and would like to... make it up to you.” Robin finishes awkwardly as she runs out of formal language.
“Secondly, Hannah would like to talk with you sooner rather than later. When she and I first spoke, I took it upon myself to give her the same message you had me deliver to Solange, regarding our maternal history. I have no direct evidence but I think Hannah might want to talk about that.” She shrugs.
“Thirdly – I can’t quite remember. I think that Brita would enjoy the chance to chat with you. I don’t have any memories of it being urgent or critical, just...” Robin trails off. She doesn’t like how unreliable her memory has become.
“Oh, and Brennan would like to poke his nose into Things.” That’s about all she cares to relay of that.
“Aisling’s progeny Saeth has left it... her abode in Madoc and is suspected of making her way toward the Ordered Realms with the intent to explore exotic new lands – no harmful intent is expected at this time. Other than that, no new relatives have popped out of the underbrush since you were last in Xanadu. The Queen’s status seems to have remained the same. Xanadu continues to be built up,” Robin’s lips definitely press in distaste, “but basic amenities are going in at a rapid rate. Still volatile though.” She shakes her head.
“My own standing within the Family seems to have stabilized at Less Than Favorable, But With No Outstanding Quarrels or Disturbances.” Robin shrugs again, that’s probably as good as she’s going to get. Robin’s eyes flicker off briefly as she checks the jackdaw’s nest of her mind for other thoughts. As nothing becomes immediately apparent, she nods her conclusion to the Warden.
"Your comments about your cousins are duly noted. Any of them who wish to contact me and have access to Trumps may use them to call on me. Edan I will deal with separately. The Saeth matter is--interesting--" is the word Julian settles on in the abstract "--but unless she chooses to come here, is not a Ranger concern." There's a for now attached to that that leaves Saeth on the periphery of Julian's long list of troubles. "As for your standing, is that your estimate of your standing with Random, Corwin, your aunts and uncles, or your cousins, or some nebulous estimate of them all?"
Nebulous? Robin stifles a wince. Her father calling her instincts 'nebulous'? Yep, he's mad - she realizes with a sinking stomach. But fair, always fair.
"Nebulous estimate." She admits. "Do you require more detail?"
“I do,” Julian says simply.
Robin nods and takes a moment to organize her scattered thoughts.
"The King and I have reached an understanding. He has welcomed me to remain in Xanadu. He is aware of my... limitations and has placed no expectations on me other than 'get better' and stay available in case I need you.
"Uncle Gerard has welcomed me into his family, though I think he finds me more work than he expected.
"Relations are... strained with Uncle Caine right now. And it's probably best if we don't interact for a while.
"I am mostly unfamiliar with Aunt Llewella or Queen Celina but do not believe there is any animosity there.
"I am... unaware of my standing with King Corwin or Aunt Florimel." There's a long pause. "But my... a-aversion to Paris remains strong, so I don't anticipate in direct conflict in the immediate future.
"Uncle Benedict and I are strangers to one another. I'm not aware of any difficulty. The same is true of Aunt Fiona.
"I think Uncle Bleys finds me more amusing than dangerous. I, myself, do not... enjoy his company. Yet.
"Of my cousins, I am close to and fond of Vere, of course. I consider Brita, Ossian, Silhouette, Brij, Prince Garrett and Reid, my friends. I check in on Tatter, Sage and Breeze regularly and whenever I meet Leif and Brooke, good times follow.
"Hannah and I are cordial. I have not spoken to Solange since her banishment. I have proven capable of working with Prince Jerod, Edan, Folly, Lily, Paige, Raven and Max without too much fuss.
"I stay out of Martin's path.
"Something Brita said makes me think that Conner might be angry with me, but I have no direct evidence of that. And Brennan and I are... quite upset with one another, but have agreed to not do anything drastic until we've both cooled down.
"I have met Lalal, Britomartis and Arianrhod. I don't think any of them are impressed with me. I have not met Fur or Fang, but assume..." she raises a sad eyebrow to her father.
"I have also not met Meg, Ambrose, Fletcher, Signy, Merlin, Marius, Saeth or Solace. And am unaware of any intentions on any of their parts.
"I have not met Dara, Chantico, Artemis or Calliste either. But if I do, I will call for immediate back-up before engaging. Same with Cleph."
Robin stops for a moment, searches her mind, then winces. With a deep gulp, she pushes on. "I am... unaware of my standing w-with Jovian..." That's about as much as she can get out. "And I don't if know Santeri is aware of me..."
Oh, Dung. There it is. In the fire now.
"You have a good grasp of the extent of the family as it is currently known, at least." Julian gives Robin a long moment to either compose herself or prepare herself for whatever's coming next, depending on how she chooses to parse it.
Robin nods. At least she got that bit right. As the pause lengthens, the girl uses the time the exact way her father is allowing: compose, prepare.
Then he changes the subject, or chooses his own ground to charge from. "Nobody expects you to know all the quarrels family members you have not yet met have decided to take up with you. I am more concerned with the opinions of those you have offended. Particularly by your decision not to attend the late family meeting."
Robin winces as she nods again. “The King spoke to me about that. I believe I have made amends to him for my...” she searches for a word, “disrespect.
“But he also expressed concern for your standing. Which I admit, hadn’t occurred to me, sir.” Robin blushes as she drops her eyes. “He explained to me that I had made you look like a packmaster who couldn’t control his runners. In front of Corwin.” She winces again.
Then looks up at her father. “That was not my intention. And will not happen again. I... thought that telling Vere and Brita and Brij that I could not come was sufficient. In the future, if you or the King have expectations of me that I cannot meet, I will tell you or him.... Or Uncle Gerard.”
Okay, that was the unbelievably hard part that she had prepared for. Now comes the unbelievably black part she doesn’t know what to do with. Mindful of the firelizards outside, Robin takes her own long moment to breathe evenly, think happy thoughts and hold the blackness at bay.
“It... was not the family meeting or Corwin’s hospitality that I could not attend. It was P-paris that I... could not enter.” Robin stops there to calm the nerves.
Julian inclines his head. "Go on."
Robin presses her lips together as she tries to figure out how to minimize the coming trauma. Her poor little anchors and Vere struggling with them outside. What can she do? For a moment, Robin is paralyzed with indecision. But she must 'go on.' Therefore, she must find a way to do so.
Robin takes several deep breaths and closes her eyes. Somehow, it seems easier to start when she can't see her father or the metaphorical chasm in front of her. Mindful of her fair outside, Robin mentally hugs them: drawing strength from their love and their clarity. And tries to find some fortitude for the situation. It's like having a bandage ripped off and clearing a mouse skull out of a plugged digestive tract.
"On the R-road, I was... subjected to what Vere calls 'visions.' Iiiiiii'm having trouble distinguishing those... they still feel like experiences to me; even though there's no corroborating evidence. Vere and Brennan have helped me start disentangling... J-jovian, Garrett, Venesch... You too, sir.
"But...." Robin takes a deep breath, brushes her hair back from her forehead and mentally runs at it, "an extended... event involved-Paris-murder-regicide-fire-destruction...d-death." Don't stop there! Don’t stop there - eyes on the prize: the explanation.
"I-was-afraid-that Paris... and me would trigger either catastrophic events or I would suffer a major breakdown in front of Family. Bad, bad. So I hid.
"That wasn't the best answer, sir." She reopens her eyes to look at Julian. "But it wasn't the worse one, either." Robin's breathing heavily, but there's only a flicker of blackness behind her eyes. She landed it. Maybe she is getting better after all.
"As a practical matter, your ability to cause major metaphysical damage in Paris is extremely limited, especially with the counterweight of the entire rest of the family. Personal difficulty seems more likely." Julian's pause between that and the next sentence is nearly infinitesimal but enough for Robin to notice. "And the wish to avoid it is understandable. But--" another momentary pause "--in terms of presentation to the family, failure to appear at a royal command, at a family meeting, with no explanation, is not significantly better.
"Which does not, I am aware, address the issue to hand. The Black Road presents particular difficulties. I would not have sent you had I not believed you equal to the task. Clearly I underestimated the dangers." He pauses, actually, more than another instant, there. "I wonder if my sister would take you to Chaos, so you could learn the difference between what is real and what is unreal," he muses, "and if so, whether that would be sufficient to undo the effects of the Road."
Robin pauses herself, keeping her breathing even: Vere, firelizards, Father - she must keep it together, keep it calm. Like a campfire, contained and warming, with the occasional pop and spark of emotion drifting off into the night. Great Green, this was hard! That Dad had managed this for so long was just another testament to his strength.
When she's ready, she nods. "I have made it clear to the King and to what Family I could, that I have bound my Destiny to this Family. I will not follow the paths of Huon or Chantico or my mother. I am... difficult. And uncivilized. But not an enemy. It is my belief that, at least among my cousins, this is becoming understood. But I know that I will have to work harder on it; come further out into the meadow. I now understand that it is unreasonable to expect the Family to accept me when they do not know me or what skills I bring to the hunt."
She sighs, "Which means there will probably be more... presentation accidents that I will have to muddle through. I have to accept that." Robin hopes Julian can too.
"With regards to the Road," surprisingly, this bit is easier, if harder to articulate, "the day you sent me on that mission was one of the proudest of my life, sir. I underestimated the danger as well. And got myself... injured. I..." A spark of wry humor drifts up out of Robin's fire. "If I work on not wallowing in guilt that I failed you, sir. Will you help me by not blaming yourself for events beyond your foreseeing or ability to control?"
Robin rushes on past that little emotion leak. "Chaos sounds intriguing, sir. But I am concerned about your lack of support here. I'm also concerned that my... damaged identity-integration would make me more susceptible to... uh, dispersal?" Robin finishes awkwardly. Stupid words.
"I believe Fiona would be able to assess your difficulty in that regard. In any case, it's clear that your situation cannot be allowed to continue." Julian gestures to Robin to seat herself in one of the camp chairs. "I believe it is time for you to deal with that." He waits until she is settled into her seat to take his own. "Either through confronting matters in Chaos or by walking the Pattern at the center of the universe."
It's lucky that Robin has seated herself. Her father's mention of the Pattern at the center of the universe sends a startled flash through the girl. At first, she tries to repress the surge of surprise and fear. But no, campfire. Just a surprise pop and shift of the wood. Let the fire flare, then settle, sparks flow upward in a pretty dancing display -- nothing else. No danger, no worry. But it takes a moment.
Robin chuffs a little to clear her throat before speaking again "I would be very interested in Princess Fiona's assessment. Shortly after the King's return to Amber, I did assay the Pattern. But the technique and results were... unusual. I don't know if it assisted in breaking my initial... lassitude or not."
Plus there's the additional bonus that Vere would love to spend time with Fiona. She smiles unconsciously at the thought of Her Sorcerer and his ever-curious mind.
"But I am still very concerned about your status here, sir."
Julian shakes his head. "All is well here, or as well as it can be under the circumstances. Having said that, if Vere wished to stay and learn the ways of the Rangers--which seems wise under the circumstances--while you were working with Fiona, I would welcome his assistance."
"That is.... well-advised." Robin says as she purses her lips in thought. "Of course, it would be up to Vere. How would you like to proceed?"
"Do you prefer to speak with Fiona or Vere first?" Julian's hawk-sharp eyes don't leave Robin; he's taking in both her verbal answer and her physical reactions, as if she were a hawk or a hound whose cues were necessarily silent, or at least not given in words.
Robin shifts in her seat a little. She's never been comfortable with close scrutiny, but allows that it's warranted. And probably something she's going to have to get used to.
As rationally as she can, Robin weighs the options before declaring, "Princess Fiona. It seems wise to see if she is able, available and willing to assist before planning further."
Anticipating that her father is probably going to say something like 'Go on' or some other version of 'talk more', Robin cocks her head as she gathers more fluffy loose thoughts to herself.
"Considerations for that conversation include... well, Vere and I have decided to do things together for a while." A quick fond smile dashes across her face, hinting at the depth of joy she feels at no longer being alone.
"He wants to..." Robin searches for the word, "succor me and help with the healing process. I know that he is... unhappy" (manfully working through a sulk) "not being here for this conversation." (Which is why Robin invited him even though her father clearly wanted to speak to just her.)
"Despite that, he and I both understand that we need to remain... not dependent on one another. I don't know..." Robin cocks her head and her brow furrows as she deals with this new kind of relationship. Eventually she looks up at Julian. "I can't speak to his druthers on this."
Julian arches a familiar eyebrow. "If you mean to leave my sister hanging on the question of your paramour's desires, I suggest you be certain of the young man first. There's no guarantee she'll offer him an opportunity to join him." The tone in which Julian says this suggests to Robin that he suspects the opposite. "But if you wish to speak with her first, I'll get my cards." He rises from his seat to fetch te deck of trumps from his camp desk.
"You'll also need to decide," he adds, "whether you mean to take your firelizards with you, if Fiona permits."
Robin waits until her father's back is turned before raising her own eyebrow. Okay, now he's just being fussy.
"If Princess Fiona allows, I would very much like to take the firelizards. The bond is still pretty new." She fights to keep the 'duh' out of her voice. After all, Julian's bond with Morgenstern allows for more leeway than hers does.
"And I am certain of the 'young man.' I just can't read his mind and I don't tell him what to do." Robin bites off her words. There's a slow simmer of sulking teen building in her and just about anything she wants to say will be... bad.
"Then you'd best make sure they're ready to travel, because my experience is that Fiona does not like to dawdle." Julian shuffles out a card from the deck stored in one of his camp tables and opens a connection to his sister.
"Fiona? It is Julian. My daughter Robin has a particular problem that I believe you're best equipped of our siblings to solve." Julian pauses for a moment while Fiona speaks to him, then shakes his head. "I believe Robin is in the best position to explain the nature of her problem." He reaches toward Robin to draw her into the contact.
Robin stands and takes a deep breath to clear all the grumpy teen out of her mood. Then she calmly takes her Father's hand and with only a little bit of a mental wince - stupid cards! - she enters the contact.
Julian takes Robin's hand and draws her into the contact.
Fiona feels like a giant cat: very large, and very predatorial, though not hostile or hungry to Robin's senses. She is standing on a tower turret in a shadow whose stars Robin doesn't recognize. Her red hair flickers a little in a wind that Robin cannot feel. "Hello, niece," Fiona says, and her voice is clear but there's a sense of power in the contact that Robin could only describe as huge. "I understand there is something you'd like to talk to me about."
"Hello, aunt," Robin nods in response. For a moment Robin blinks, intimidated by the sheer... Fionaness before her. But Robin knows better than to show fear to a predator and the girl's sense of humor comes to her rescue as one corner of Robin's mouth ticks in a wry smile. Great; a giant cat and her a bird. "Yes, Father recommended that I ask your advice regarding an... injury I took during the Black Road War." Another pause as Robin scouts out her path through the dark. It's definitely getting easier the more she does it.
"I was actually on... I mean, I believe I was on - or maybe near... Gaah." Or maybe not. Deep breath, try again.
"I think I was on the Black Road during Patternfall. I may have fallen into enemy hands. My m-mentation was compromised. I... things happened that I can't corroborate. Vere says I had visions, but I can't distinguish between th-those and other portions of my life. Since the R-road retreated, I have been... I find it difficult to... act with reason if something reminds me too strongly..." Robin sighs. "I also didn't stutter or stammer before.
"Oh. And Brennan says there's an egg-shaped hole in my Astral Being. Or something like that." Robin's brow furrows as she tries to remember the sorcerous gobbelity-gook.
Fiona has been listening politely, but without real interest, to Robin's complaints. At least until she mentions Brennan's name. "Did he really?" she says. "I'll have to ask him for a technical description. Come here, so I can take a look." She extends her hand to Robin.
"That's very... kind of you, Princess." Kind is a word that will work in this situation, isn't it?
"I have a support network nearby that I'm loath to leave behind: three firelizards empathically tied to myself and Vere. Is it alright if I bring them along?"
"You may, if they're close by. Did Brennan know about them and were they linked to you when he saw what he saw?" Before Robin can answer, she says, "Bring them through and we'll discuss it then. Julian, you do bring me interesting puzzles."
Julian bows slightly; his expression, to the extent that Robin can see it, does not change.
Since the Princess is speaking, Robin just nods her affirmative to the question.
Once the Princess is no longer speaking, Robin purses her lips and delivers a quick 'No emergency. To me now.' whistle. Robin tries to make the sound not too piercing or disruptive, but something that will let Vere and the Firelizards know that she would like them with her, preferably on her person, as soon as possible. Luckily, a week of non-verbal travel is handy for that kind of thing.
Vere croons softly to the fair to distract them from Robin's departure as he walks over to a tree, and sits with his back against the trunk, facing the Lord Warden's tent. He begins building a melody of wordless music, chirps, and whistles, encouraging the firelizards to join in.
Although a number of rangers were present outside Julian's tent for the brouhaha with the firelizards, none of them seem to have taken notice of the conversation. Vere, who is aware of such things, has almost certainly noticed, or perhaps intuited, that they were present to assist Julian should things go wrong, and that Robin's presence and/or actions set them, if not at ease, at least reduced their immediate concern about the firelizard frenzy.
Needle, who was waiting and/or doing something close by, moves to join Vere. "Is there anything I can help you with?" he asks.
Vere croons a moment longer, and then drops out of the music to say softly to Needle, "They are bonded to Robin, and can sense her moods, without understanding subtleties or abstracts. We need to keep them calm and distracted while she speaks with the Warden."
Needle nods his understanding, completing it with, "Yes, your Lordship," which is clearly about the best term he can come up with for a non-Prince non-Ranger. "Do you think you might do better to take them away from the immediate vicinity? Perhaps a distraction, like a hunt, would keep their minds off whatever Robin and the Warden have to say to one another." His tone is strictly neutral in an I'm-not-speculating-about-that way.
"I had thought of that," Vere answers quietly as the firelizards continue to sing to one another, "But consideration led me to conclude not. Primus, Robin thought that hearing the music in the background might serve to help her remain calm. Secundus, as far as I can tell their bond grows no less with distance, and they can teleport. So if I took them far away, and they suddenly decided to return to 'defend' her, I would be the only one the distance would hinder. And Tertius, I myself am loath to be so far from Robin, and might not keep my own spirit calm if I were away, which would make keeping them calm all the more difficult."
Vere considers Needle. "Do you play or sing?" he asks. "And could you find me a small hand drum of some kind here in the camp?"
"I can find you a drum, and maybe a couple of people who can play. I sing," Needle confesses, "But I doubt I know your songs. If you'll hold by a bit, I'll see what I can do for you." He moves off into the camp, whistling and gesturing to get the attention of some of the Rangers, who move to join him.
The firelizards are watching Vere with interest, but keep eyeing the tent as if they're thinking about it, or perhaps getting some feedback from Robin inside of it. There's no immediate sign of how things are going, other than a sort of lashing tail and hovering that Vere reads as nerves.
Vere whistles to draw the attention of the firelizards, and then begins to sing to them. It's a wordless song, designed to complement their own natural songs and draw them into singing along with him. A cheerful song equally composed of contented companionship, rest, and affection.
Needle hurries off to find players and a bodhran for Vere while he begins to sing. Vere gets the sense that he has the attention of the firelizards, but they are not joining in his song and they are not approaching him. Their attention, he feels, must be at least partially elsewhere, presumably with Robin. But they do not seem hostile to or disturbed by his actions, at least. He cannot tell from their behavior what's happening inside the tent, though.
Vere begins to throw firelizard chirps into the song, based on his observations of them, trying to encourage them to join in.
The firelizards flit about restlessly and don't seem to be very interested in his song. Instead they are chirping and peeping at each other in some form of reptilian conversation. They don't seem to be approaching the tent, or considering doing so, yet.
A ranger comes up to Vere and seems to be waiting for a break in his song. She's carrying a bodhran, or something very like one.
Vere comes to a natural ending of the song and smiles at the ranger. "They are ignoring me, I fear. Perhaps I should find a nest of field mice somewhere close by. Food might catch their attention more than music."
The ranger may have been assigned to Vere, because she appears to be waiting for his instructions. "Catching live prey near camp might not be wise. We'd need to make sure they weren't--you know. Do they need live prey or will they eat recent kill, as long as it's fresh? Cooked's not a problem. I can that easy."
The firelizards are definitely agitated, and are clearly talking to each other about something. Their tones are anxious, and their tails are twitchy.
"They like entrails," Vere replies, watching the firelizards carefully. "Could you bring some. Quickly?"
He chirps once more, and says, "Eat? Food? Eat?"
The Ranger dashes off into the camp at Vere's request.
Meanwhile, the firelizards are outright arguing. Peep hisses at Ooot and Chirrup, and Chirrup snaps back at her, earning a hiss from Ooot. It looks like one or more of them might be considering taking flight from the way their wings flutter.
Vere hisses, mimicking exactly the sound that Peep and Ooot made, but louder. He's trying to get their attention off each other and Robin and onto himself.
The ranger is already coming back with fresh offal in hand; perhaps they were close enough to the mews to be able to get some immediately. She offers it to Vere at once, looking to him for direction if he means her to do something with it.
Vere accepts it and nods his thanks, not taking his attention off the firelizards.
Meanwhile, the firelizards are still arguing among themselves, but they are well aware of the offal: they intermittently tilt their heads toward the source of the smell and visibly inhale the scent. That hasn't seemed to stop the row, nor the attention they're paying to whatever signals they're sensing that Vere cannot.
Other than by means of the offal, Vere isn’t really on their radar right now.
Vere tosses a bit of meat towards the firelizards.
The offal seems to get their attention, though they now appear to be squabbling over who gets the best bits. Ooot moves in and Peep tells him in no uncertain terms to back off, and starts flying n a circle over the little tidbit to enforce her dominance.
Vere nods to himself. Good, the food has their attention. He'll begin throwing other small bits, one at a time, and thrown to different places so they have to move to get them. Make it a game for them, of who can get the food first, but then throwing another piece before the last one is completely devoured so that it doesn't become nothing more than a series of fights.
Another ranger shows up with a fiddle in hand. "You were looking for a musician?" he asks Vere.
"Yes," Vere says. "Thank you. I am Vere." He nods towards the firelizards. "We need to keep their attention off their mistress, so that they do not become concerned and disturb her and the ranger." He tosses another piece of offal to the firelizards. "I am going to whistle the songs they sing when they are content. Follow along. We want music that is soothing."
If the ranger appears to understand what Vere is asking then he will begin the song, continuing to slowly throw the meat to the firelizards until it is all gone.
"Rosin." The Ranger nods to Vere's instruction and waits for Vere to start whistle before setting the fiddle to his chin and listening for a place to join in.
The firelizards are now intent on their dinner (yummy yummy dinner!) and while still snappish, particularly about who gets the choicest pieces--and what makes them choice is not always entirely apparent to Vere, though some of it makes sense to him as a hunter--they're much calmer than they were before. They don't seem nearly as likely to Vere to have a tantrum and swarm Julian's tent.
When Vere has whistled a couple of measures, Rosin sets the bow to the strings and follows along as best he can, making a bit of a proper tune out of it as they go.
Vere nods encouragement to Rosin, and continues to sing wordlessly as he tosses meat to the firelizards, turning it into a game now, making them leap and fly for the pieces. Once the meat is all gone he will wipe his hands off on the grass, and take up the drum, beating a quiet accompaniment to the tune he and Rosin are creating.
Rosin keeps going while Vere takes up the drum, accommodating Vere's momentary distraction while he cleans his hands and takes up the bodhran. Other Rangers have drifted in and they take up the rhythm with a slow clap of the hands; someone produces a wind instrument that produces a melodic interplay.
The firelizards are attentive to the efforts of the musicians and willing to be entertained for the moment, but they're still not ready to join in. Part of their attention is elsewhere.
Now that the firelizards have eaten Vere begins to lead the Rangers in a quieter direction, turning the music into a soothing lullaby designed to calm the firelizards. He's judging the skills of the other musicians carefully, and playing to their musical strengths while covering for any weaknesses. The goal is music that invokes a sense of lethargic peace and contentment.
The firelizards are sated, somewhat, by their dinner, and Vere intuits that they are also calmed somewhat by the musical effects of Vere's tune, as followed by the Ranger musicians. (Rosin is the best, but none of them are bad. They're competent and workmanlike and used to collaborating, Vere imagines.) But they are, Vere knows, receiving outside stimulus; they do not seem likely to, say, take a post-prandial nap.
That's good enough for now. Vere gives the musicians encouraging nods, and continues playing.
The firelizards continue to be somewhat twitchy. There's not any noise coming from the tent; the Rangers who have gathered to play for the firelizards would surely have noticed it if there were. (Vere has the distinct sense that they're there to play but a little gossip is certainly an extra encouragement.)
Vere keeps the music going, and while he doesn't let his attention drift from the firelizards he begins to amuse himself by analysing the personalities and relationships of the Rangers from their clothing, movements, music, and various subtle physical cues most people would not notice, much less be able to interpret.
Vere has a number of interesting guesses about which Rangers are friends, lovers, leaders, followers, etc., by the time the firelizards all collectively look about for something that they don’t seem to be finding, but has them anxious.
Vere instantly switches the music from a comforting lullaby to a more upbeat, happy rhythm. He's not trying to influence the firelizards at this point, just to provide a background that will help keep them calm through whatever is going on with Robin.
The firelizards suddenly perk up and get very excited, and may be about to go for the tent. Everyone looks to Vere for a lead. He is the one who's supposed to know how to deal with the things.
[NOOOOOO MOMMY DON’T LEAVE US!]
Vere sets the drum aside and stands. Music is no longer important if the emotions inside the tent have reached the point of upsetting or interesting the firelizards this much.
He approaches them, saying, "She wants you to wait out here," in a firm but gentle voice, hoping that the emotions behind the words will reach them.
For a moment, the lizards seem to relax a bit, but then they rise to alert, ready to raise wing and fly. Whatever is exciting them is apparently beyond Vere's ability to soothe longer than momentarily.
Vere watches, trying not to let his tension show in his posture.
The firelizards stop squabbling and make a trumpeting noise, which echoes as they pop out of existence. The Rangers stop playing and start looking around; those who weren't playing draw weapons, in case this represents some kind of threat. Others look to Vere for an explanation.
"They have gone to Robin," Vere says in explanation as he strides quickly to Julian's tent. "Thank you for your assistance."
When he reaches the tent he will open the flap and look in before entering, to see what is going on, and to give Julian and Robin a chance to tell him not to enter if they do not want him to join thrm.
Last modified: 28 June 2014