The hour is late and Lilly is growing tired. Still a promise is a promise. Keeping Garrett informed had been more difficult then she anticipated. When she had time to go to the stables, he was away. Once twilight settled, it seemed better to wait until full darkness before making her way to him. The cover of darkness would be useful in keeping her from being seen. Near midnight, she finally sets out, dressed in black from head to toe. Boots have been left behind in favor of the simple slippers she far prefers. The only thing that might serve to encumber her movement is her sword. Leaving it behind though is never an option as far as Lilly is concerned.
In no time Lilly is standing outside the small cabin Garrett called home. Her journey there had been uneventful and she doubts anyone noticed her. If she took the time to think about it, that would bother her. The guards were supposed to notice such things. Perhaps she would discuss that with Venesch in the morning. Right now though, other things need her attention.
Slowly she walks the perimeter of the building, looking for signs that it's occupants might still be awake. If so, she will simply knock. If not she will have to try a more subtle way of gaining Garrett's attention. Luckily, there is on small lamp, or so she suspects based upon the amount of light being thrown off, still burning in the front room of the home. Nodding to herself, she walks purposefully to the doorway. Gently, she knocks.
There is no reply.
The house has glass windows behind the shutters, which are pulled closed against the cool of the late spring evening. The roof is thatch and Lilly knows she could enter from above if she needed to do so.
Lilly will take a moment, or several of them if needed, to survey the house. If there are ways to peer inside, she wants to find them. It was imperative to her that she did not disturb the occupants. Under normal circumstances, she would simply put the meeting off until the morning. However she did not want Garrett meeting with Random before she had a chance to speak with him. Since she did not know when she was leaving for Xanadu, she needed to speak with him as soon as possible.
Once all of the ground methods of sneaking into the house are exhausted, she'll make her way to the roof, being extremely careful to not fall in. She will enter from above if needed again taking care not to damage the house beyond her ability to fix it. Silence is of the essence. She is moving almost systematically, choosing each step with the utmost care to ensure she is as quiet as possible.
Thatch roofs are easy to enter by, and that is, Lilly decides, the only option that will let her enter silently. It also looks as if there is some sort of exit, or at least entrance, because Lilly finds a large stone that could be rolled next to the house to act as a step up towards the back of the house. Perhaps that is how Garrett sneaks in and out of the house at night.
Rolling stones about to break in through a roof was not among Lilly's plans for the evening. Still if she wished to speak with Garrett without waking his family, it would have to be done. With great care she set about the process.
As she peers through the thatch, Lilly can see that there is a loft built into this side of the building. She will not have to climb down the interior wall after all.
Within a few moment, she was standing solidly on the floor of the loft peering about in search of Garrett's sleeping form.
The loft is dark and shadowy, the only light source being a dim oil lamp on the large table in the room below. Peering over the rail, Lilly can see it was probably left as a nightlight for the youngest member of the family, who shares a bed with her sister in a corner of the main room below. Presumably, the elder Baileys sleep directly below the loft, because Lilly cannot see them from where she stands.
Lilly does not have to look far for Garrett. Once her eyes adjust to the shadows, she can see him sleeping on his side on a straw mattress an arms-length in front of her.
Once she finds him, she proceeds cautiously. For a moment, she considers waking him like she would a soldier with one hand firmly over his mouth to keep him from crying out. Quickly she decides against that approach however. There was no point in frightening the poor man. Instead she gets close to the bed and bends over gently, her head inches above his.
"Garrett," she whispers softly as her left hand gently nudges his upper arm. "Garrett, wake up."
She has to nudge more than once. After working two jobs today and enduring the stress and eventual relief of telling Folly about his situation, he sleeps like a rock. Finally he budges, and groggily rolls onto his back with a vague "Huhn?...," his eyes still closed.
It is probably good that he can not see the amusement on her face, he might take it the wrong way. In truth he reminded her of her foster father. Waking Mallet was never as easy task. Thinking that brought about pleasant memories, and thus the grin.
"Garrett, it's Lilly. Wake up. We need to talk," she says with gentle urgency.
Lilly. Mmmm... On the edge of a dream, Garrett smiles. Lilly. No...wait...that's not... HERE?! He falls off the dream's edge into sudden wakefulness. His eyes fly open to find Lilly's face inches from his own. He is so shocked he doesn't move - or even breathe. His drowsy mind tries to make sense of her being here, but fails.
He stares at her for a long moment and Lilly can read the disbelief in his eyes, as if he's trying to decide if this is a dream. His eyes widen further as he takes in her black clothing. Finally, he says, softly and deliberately, "What...are...you...doing here?" And as his brain starts to function properly, he adds, "And how did you get in?"
Her eyes meet his and hold their gaze, "I may be leaving in the morning and I felt it important that I speak with you before then but I did not wish to disturb your family so I came in through the roof. If we wake your sisters though all of that work will have been for nothing. Perhaps we should step outside to talk?"
Leaving in the morning? Through the roof? There's so many things that Garrett's groggy mind tries to pick up on, but "Yeah, sure" is all that comes out as he sits up. He starts to throw off the blanket, but his brain sets off alarms about three things - one, he's wearing nothing but a nightshirt, two, his pants are across the room, and three, she's a...girl. A very attractive one, even in black.
With a self-conscious smile, he gathers the blanket around his waist and moves carefully to the other side of the loft. There, with his back to Lilly, he dons his trousers, using the blanket and the shadows to hide himself. Finally he stands, tucks the nightshirt in so it hangs over his beltline, and rakes his fingers through his unruly hair.
"All right. Ready," he whispers, picking up his boots.
She nods and her eyes travel to the ceiling, "Shall we exit my way or would you prefer to sneak out the front door?" Either way is evidently fine with her, she can be as silent as a cat with minimal effort. It was Garrett's ability to keep from waking up the others in the house that concerned her.
"'Twould be easier out the front," Garrett whispers. "The girls sleep pretty soundly and there's a curtain on me parents' door." He grins. "Trust me, I can be pretty quiet."
He takes two steps down the ladder, holding his boots in one hand, and stops. Motioning her over, he whispers, "Come down right behind me and step when I step. It'll sound like one person if anyone does hear us. And if Mum calls out, let me do the talking." He leans back on the ladder (which is attached to the wall) to give her room to step onto the rung above his.
Lilly peers out over the rail (assuming of course that this is an open loft) and considers jumping. She had every confidence that she could land it silently. Still, he might think she is simply showing off and she learned a long time ago that any sort of boast, even a perceived one, could be taken badly. Best to just do it his way.
She nods and turns to follow. Carefully she places each step. Movements are quick and nimble with an almost unnatural lightness.
Garrett descends the ladder just one rung ahead of Lilly, matching her steps. The scent of her hair envelops him and he allows his free arm to brush hers on the way down. Noting her agility, he quickens his pace before he gets himself in trouble.
At the bottom, Garrett quickly but silently goes to the pegs on the wall and takes down a long black cloak. He dons it hastily with his back to Lilly and continues on.
Keeping Garrett near, she follows his path exactly as they head for the door.
Garrett stealthily unbars and opens the door, then motions with a slight bow and a grin for her to precede him outside. Once they are out, he gently pulls the door closed. He crosses the path to the grass on the other side and sits down to pull his boots onto his bare feet.
Lilly remains by his side, standing quietly. Nothing about her posture suggested he should hurry. In fact she seemed very calm and relaxed.
Standing, Garrett nods toward the stables. "Let's go down by the far paddocks," he whispers. "This time of night, the duty grooms will be in the office playing cards."
Again the answer comes in the form of a simple nod. Lilly seems to do that often.
As they start walking, Garrett asks softly, "What's this about leaving in the morning?"
There is a long moment of silence as Lilly tries to decide what she can and can not tell him. Finally she says, "It may be morning, it may be evening. It may be tomorrow, it may be in a few days. I am uncertain as to when the exact time will be. It is dependent upon my Uncle's schedule." Something about the way she says Uncle suggests that is speaking of Random. "He has to make some arrangements and I am sure he has things that need his attention here in Amber first. But I know he is trying to arrange it as quickly as possible."
Garrett emits a small sigh and narrows his eyes, thinking. "He's leaving again, then. I'll have to tell him quickly," he says, almost to himself.
Again silence claims her. There is so much to tell and so much she needs to discuss with someone. And yet she knows Garrett is not the wisest choice for a confidant. There is too much her does not know. And there is too much not known about him.
Noting her silence, Garrett looks at her face and grows concerned at her somewhat troubled expression. "Lilly, is there something wrong?" he asks softly. Lilly can hear his concern not only in the tone of his voice, but in the way he dropped the formality.
"This is very difficult. There is so much about our family that you don't know and it is not truly my place to tell you. And yet I can not fully explain much of anything with the large gaps of knowledge I know you have." She breathes in heavily and then forces out some of the tension she is feeling with the exhalation.
Garrett stares back at the ground as he walks, trying hard to conceal his growing frustration. He's getting sick of people telling him just how much they can't tell him.
"Let me start with the basics of what I need to tell you. There is no point starting at the middle anyway. I spoke with the King today. Both he and Martin have returned. There is a lot going on. The situation in the castle is very tense. And as I've said, I knew he might be leaving again at any moment. So I decided to take a chance and met with Random this afternoon. I asked that we keep our meeting informal, he agreed. I decided it best to tell him who you were so that you did not surprise him."
Garrett's head whips around to stare at her in indignation, his anger barely held in check as she finishes.
"To be honest I do not think he needs anymore surprises right now." Again a deep breath before she adds softly, "I am sorry if I overstepped my bounds. I truly believe I acted in both of your best interest."
Garrett walks for several paces in stony silence, staring intently at the ground in front of him. Under the cloak, his fists clench and unclench in an attempt to diffuse his anger. Lilly can hear him breathing, deliberately and deeply. Finally, considering her apology, he takes one long breath and blows it out, running his left hand through his hair roughly.
"Well, done is done," he says with resignation, sounding much like Donovan the night before. After a pause, the anger replaced with frustration, he adds, "I reckon you know him - and the situation - better than I do. Not that I haven't been trying."
Another sigh and he looks over at her with a slight, tight-lipped smile as a sign of peace. "I'll just have to trust you on this one. It does mean, though, that I'll have to talk to him first thing tomorrow. I'll not have him thinking I'm afraid of him," he says resolutely.
A nod then a moment of consideration followed by a very sincere, "He does not think that."
And then she does the oddest thing of all, she laughs. It is not a merry sound however. No, this laugh rings of sadness and self mockery. "If anything he probably thinks I am something of a foolish girl who is a afraid of shadows." She shakes her head before adding under her breath, "In more ways then one I suppose."
She looks at Garrett again, "I told him I was the one who was afraid, afraid that he would over react. Even more then that I was, hells I am afraid that Vialle might over react. The one good thing about going away is that it releases me from some of my duties, at least temporarily."
Strangely, Lilly's distress calms Garrett. "Hey. Wait," he says quietly. His expression softening, he stops and grasps her wrist, gently but firmly enough so that the momentum of her next step causes her to face him more fully. When she stops, he lets go of her wrist, but continues to hold just the edge of her hand with his fingertips. She could pull away with no effort if she wants to.
The knowledge that she can escape his grasp easily is enough to keep her from doing so. Instead she meets his gaze, curiosity evident in her features.
He looks into her eyes, his smile not forced this time, but genuine. "You? Foolish?" he chuckles and shakes his head. "Never. Why should you be afraid of their reactions? You're just the messenger." He pauses, grinning, then, "Thanks, by the way. You stuck your neck out for me and for that, I'm grateful."
He looks down at his boots and when he looks back up, the smile has turned self-effacing. "At least I am once I get over being an ass. I didn't even ask you how he took it."
"Well let's see, I am told when King's get upset they often kill the messenger, I am still here though, aren't I?" she smiles broadly.
"So you are," he grins back, obviously happy with this fact.
"To be honest, he does not seem to remember your mother. But, he also seemed to be almost more distraught over that then anything else. He did not deny that it could have happened. In fact he asked me what I thought." She lets that sink in before continuing on.
Garrett nods, his expression indicating that he expected as much. "And what do you think?" he asks.
"I told him that there was an undeniable similarity in your features and that you shared some of hi mannerisms. I told him that I believed, based upon what I had seen and the questions I had asked of the servants in the castle, that your mother's story was indeed the truth." Again she takes a long breath to gauge his reaction.
He smiles, pleased that at least Lilly believes him. Garrett turns again toward the paddocks, releasing Lilly's hand, but staying close to her as they walk. He gives the main stable building a wide berth. Lilly can tell he's thinking.
Once past the building, he speaks again. "It's funny. I always thought I looked more like Mum, except for me eyes. But you're not the only one today that's seen me father in me."
Looking ahead, he says, "I spoke with Lady Folly earlier. I worked me way up to asking about how she knew she has the blood. About how someone can tell. She said sometimes she can tell by touching someone. They feel different, more...real somehow. It doesn't work for everyone, she said, but I took a chance and touched her hand when she offered it. I reckon she hoped I'd feel the realness from her."
He shrugs. "I didn't feel anything and I'm not sure she did, either. But when she looked at me close and put it together with what I was asking, she guessed it. Not just the 'what' but the 'who'. I didn't think it was that obvious, but perhaps it's 'cause she's been...traveling with Martin recently." Garrett explains, choosing his words carefully. He pauses to give Lilly a chance to process this.
The initial knowing smile is quickly shadowed by a bit of foreboding. One did not have to be able to see into the future to know that not all of the cousins would take the two of them traveling together well. In fact Lilly suspected one cousin in particular might take it very badly. It is probably not best to bring that up however.
"I do not know Folly very well. In fact I know very few of my cousins well. I only discovered I was of the blood shortly before... before the war. My father thought it best to have me fostered in a distant place. That is part of the reason I can not answer many of your questions better. I do not have the knowledge. Hopefully the trip I am going on will provide me with some of the pieces I am missing." Something about the trip seems to be weighing on her deeply.
Garrett cocks his head, studying her, a small smile on his face. There were so many things she just said that he wants to ask about, to talk about. He finds himself hoping she doesn't have to be anywhere soon. That maybe she'd stay for a while, even though it's the middle of the night. That he had something to offer her - a snack or a drink or...something. And he can't seem to stop smiling.
"I suspect the King will want to meet with you before we leave. I could be wrong. He said there were some things he wanted to do first." Lilly shrugs. She had not bothered her Uncle for more then that.
As an almost after thought, she adds, "This may not mean anything to you but I like Random. He's very... I wanted to say real but I think genuine might be the better word. He is who he is and he does not bother making excuses for that. I think he will make a great King. More to the point, I think he makes a good friend. I'm not sure if he'll be more to you then that but you can probably at least expect that much from him."
"That's all I want, really," Garrett replies. "A friend and a teacher. There's so much I need to learn about all this."
Arriving at the paddock, Garrett stands on the bottom rail and leans over the top one, staring over the field. He continues, "For almost six years, I watched the royals try to hold this place together. Most of them didn't even grow up here. They just arrived at the Sundering and still they fought for this place. Not blood fights like in Chaos, but heart-and-soul struggles."
He looks over at her and all of a sudden, all the frustration of the last several weeks comes pouring out. "This is me home, Lilly. I did what I could, but now I know I prob'ly had - have - the ability to do more, if only I knew how to use it. But I don't. And I can't get anyone to tell me, to teach me."
He stares out over the field for a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice is low and determined. "I have to talk to him before he leaves again. I need to talk to him now, this morning." He sighs and adds softly, "If I don't, I'll go mad."
"This may not help," she says closing the distance between them as she comes to his side. "But no one has really taught me anything either. Much of who we are and what we can do is simply inborn. It is our strength, our will, our health, our very being. I could best the Sword masters of Tecys when I was little more then a child. Why? Because of the blood of Amber."
He looks over at her, the small smile starting to return at the thought of a miniature Lilly brandishing a huge, shiny sword against grown men. Then he remembers learning to ride when he could barely walk, and how he took to it so easily. Perhaps he HAS been using it all along.
"The thing that has struck me most actually since my arrival here is the fact that even Amberites are people. They have problems, problems that few can even understand. And there are things we are just not good at sometimes. We all are just trying to do the best we can and striving to make a difference. That is not always easy but it is our life. Do not expect things to change too much or you might end up disappointed."
Garrett shifts his position on the fence, hanging on with just one elbow as he turns to face her. He stares at a distant point somewhere over her shoulder, chewing his lip pensively. The thought that Lilly is still learning too settles him. At least he's in good company.
It is her turn to stare across the fields for a moment before she decides that she is continuing on despite the voices in her head that are clearly warning her against it. "Of course what I have said is not entirely true," she says with a bit of a sigh. "I would like it to be but it's not.
"There are family secrets. Many of them. And they color who we are and make things infinitely more complicated. We are near immortal. Yes, we can die but left to our own devices... well no one is really sure what our life span is. And there is magic, real magic that runs through our veins. When activated it lets us gain some control over reality."
Garrett raises a skeptical eyebrow, but says nothing.
"Of course there is a special way to activate it and that can only be done in a very few select places. And that is why I must leave. It is my turn to begin the journey towards claiming that birthright. It may take hundreds or even thousands of years before I have the control of it some of our Aunts and Uncles do but I have to start somewhere. We all have to start somewhere."
Garrett ponders this for a moment, still staring into the distance. "Near immortal," he muses. He snorts then, and his smile returns to Lilly as he says apologetically, "I reckon I must seem a bit impatient, then, trying to learn everything before I'm nineteen."
"You and I both. I count my years at twenty. I can not imagine living thousands of years, of waiting that long to master certain things and yet I know Paige for instance has done just that."
He pauses, his eyes narrowing, then asks, "When we were in the lib'ry yesterday, you said there was some kind of test to determine if one had the royal blood, but that you hadn't been tested in that way yet. Is that test part of this activation process? What do you have to do?" He adds with obvious concern, "And is it dangerous?"
"It is one in the same," she replies. "It is very dangerous, but, in the King's words, doable. Only those with the blood of Amber can accomplish the task. Anyone else meets a certain death. In fact I believe there may have been a few who were believed to have the blood of Amber who died trying it."
She looks at him and for the first time he can sense she is frightened by all of this. "I really hope my father was not wrong and that I am actually his daughter." Because even though others might not doubt her lineage, but nagging doubts still lingered in her mind. What if she really did not belong here? What if she was just a gifted human and nothing more? Of course she knew the only way to eradicate those thoughts was to walk the pattern. More and more it was simply something she had to do and do soon.
Garrett smiles reassuringly at her, and reaches down from the fence to clasp her hand again, this time fully, but still gently. "Of course you are," he says with enthusiastic confidence. "Little girls don't just beat master swordsmen by luck. And I've seen you train. You can't not be Prince Benedict's daughter."
She shrugs. After having witnessed a great number of her relations fighting a war, she knew that many of them could best her. Some might need a bit of training but others could defeat her outright. Beyond that, those of Chaos also had great skill. Anything was possible. Unlikely, yes. Impossible, no.
In Garrett's family, the usual comfort for fright would be a warm hug, but Garrett's not sure how Lilly would take that. Instead, he appeals to her fighting spirit. With a sudden mischievous glint in his eye and a sly, lop-sided grin reminiscent of his father, he drops her hand and scrambles over the fence. He stands once again on the bottom rail, facing her across the fence from a spot a little to her left. With a challenge in his voice, he says, "I know I have the blood of Amber. It answers too many mysteries in me life for it not to be true."
Lilly knew it too where he was concerned. The only real question was how it was missed for so many years.
He lines his feet up heel to toe on the fence rail and holds the top rail with his left hand, across his body and under his right arm. He places his right elbow firmly on the top rail with his hand held upward, and looks at her intently, eyes sparkling with the challenge. "Wrist-wrestle me. If you don't have the blood, I'll prob'ly break your arm across this fence." The grin broadens. "But I don't think that's gonna happen." He waits, grinning wickedly, for her response.
"You may very well end up breaking me anyway," she says sounding just a bit amused. "I do finesse, not brute strength. But..."
"So finesse me," he says slyly, with a playful arch of the eyebrows.
Carefully she takes his hand being certain to position her grip and her arm just right. She would take any advantage she could get, "You're on."
Staring into her eyes, his grin still evil, he says, "Okay...go!"
Lilly's the strongest person Garrett has ever wrestled. At first, he thinks he can hold her, but she begins to exert more strength and slowly forces his arm back against the fence. If she'd slammed him, she probably would have broken his arm, or at least given him a very nasty bruise.
If she's not blood, she's something else superhuman.
When Lilly lets him up, his grin runs from ear to ear. He shakes out his arm and rotates his shoulder to realign muscles that are not used to being twisted that way. "Now do you believe it?" he asks, facing her with his arms crossed atop the fence. "I've always heard that only an Amberite can best another Amberite in strength. I know I'm an Amberite. Therefore, you must be one, too," he smiles smugly.
"There are other powerful forces in the universe," she says aloofly before breaking down and allow a genuine grin to come to her features as well. "But I suppose you might be right provided of course that you didn't just let me win." The tone is teasing. No part of her actually believed he would do such a thing. He seems to respect her more than that.
"Gods, no! I have me pride," he says good-naturedly, but Lilly can tell he means it.
Her smile took on a mischievous quality, "We should even out the odds for our next battle. Maybe sparring on horseback. Or we can find something neither of us has tried before and go from there." And amazingly that does not sound like a pick-up line out all coming from Lilly.
As she speaks, Garrett climbs the fence and jumps back down on her side of it. He smiles warmly as he leans casually back against the fence, listening. "Horseback, yes, but sparring, I don't think so. I know how, but I'm not very good," he says self-consciously. "And me blade's an embarrassment compared to yours. I am a pretty fair archer, though. Hunger's a great incentive to learn to shoot," he says wryly.
This brings a pleasant smile to her face. Yes, hunger was a great motivator. It was almost as good a one as fear...
"But, you know," he adds thoughtfully, glancing at the ground, then back up at her, "nothing says it has to be a battle. Do you rock-climb? There's some awesome climbing faces up on the mountain. Most people don't know about them 'cause they're a bit off the trail, but me mates and I used to go climbing up there all the time. When you get back we could...you know..." he hesitates, realizing he's about to ask her out without quite knowing how he got there. "We could go climbing, if you like. Or we could go sooner, if you find out you're not leaving right away," he adds quickly, his expression hopeful.
"Rock climbing," she repeats making it clear she's mulling over the possibilities. The immediate response that came to mind is something along the lines of well as long as the rocks don't move and talk it sounds like fun followed by as long as they aren't the rocks that have Adonis's blood. She knows better then to bring either of those things up though. Instead she settles on, "The last rocks that challenged me were rather formidable. After that experience climbing them should be fun."
Her turn of phrase confuses Garrett, but he lets it pass. What challenge other than climbing could rocks present?
She meets his eyes, "Ok. You're on. I can't make any promises as to when but hopefully it will be soon. And if for some reason we can't do it here in Amber, well then we'll find even better cliffs somewhere else." Somewhere well on this side of Ygg...
"Excellent," Garrett grins with a hint of relief. "I can't think of any place with better cliffs, but I'm sure you've been farther afield than I." The thought of traveling brings him back to the subjects he wants to ask her about. He takes off his cloak and spreads it on the dewy horse-cropped grass next to the paddock, pondering how to ask delicately about something that had Lilly so nervous. "Care to sit and enjoy the stars?" he offers, indicating the cloak.
Part of her is wondering what he is planning. Paranoia is never truly left behind. There is a small voice inside of her head though that seems to want Garrett to sit close to her...
"All right," she says.
Before sitting she makes a quick decision; she removes her sword. Immediately she tries to convince herself that she is doing it for comfort. It is much easier to sit after all without it. She places it beside the cloak within quick reach. For a second she considers moving it from the wet grass but decides it can be cleaned and dried when she returns to her rooms.
Garrett's eyebrows quirk slightly in surprise. "You sure you don't want to put that on the cloak?" he asks with concern. "It'll get wet over there."
Very few people could identify the look on Lilly's face. It was very rarely seen. It was a look of pure joy.
With nimble fingers she placed the sword next to her on the cloak.
After she sits (assuming she does), Garrett sits next to her, comfortably close but allowing her space. He rests his forearms on his knees, hands clasped in front of him. Quietly, he asks, "You still haven't told me what this test involves. It must be pretty frightening to scare even you. Perhaps it'll help to talk it through first."
Anticipating the common response, he adds, "I know you prob'ly think it's not your place to tell me, but I won't let on about it when I speak with the King." Looking her in the eyes, he says sincerely, "I'd never say anything that would get you in trouble."
"You don't give up, do you?" she asks in a not quite admonishing sort of way. It is clear she is not expecting an answer.
"No," he grins.
"Fine. But if the King tries to take my head for this and I have to break my oaths, you're going to pay." It is not a true threat. Her hearts not in it, not at all. In fact it seems as if she really does want to talk about it.
She lays back on the cloak, her eyes looking up at the stars. When she speaks her voice is very low. "It is called the Pattern. Before the war it lay beneath the Castle. I never actually laid eyes upon it, so I can not tell you exactly what it looks like but I do know it is a path carved into the ground that glows with a blue light."
Garrett stiffens as a chill like ice shoots up his spine. He listens even more intently.
"The task is simply this, you walk along it. You begin at the outside and it twists and turns in a circular fashion until you finish in the center. It sounds easy enough I suppose but of course there is much more to it."
"Of course," Garrett says distractedly, his mind racing. The nightmares. Could it be...? He hadn't had one since he was about thirteen. He draws a breath. Since the Sundering. He thought he had just outgrown them. Perhaps that wasn't it at all.
Garrett pulls his attention back to Lilly.
"The pattern represents order. The place where the pattern lies is the seat of order. An infinite number of worlds extend out from it. By walking the pattern we imprint it on our souls. We unlock the power to move through those worlds, to change the reality around us. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true."
Garrett stares into the distance, soaking her words in like a sponge. Lilly can tell by the furrowed brow that he's striving to understand the concept.
"Of course if walking it is not easy. Anything that involves that much power is inherently dangerous. If you stray from the lines or stop, you die. It is that simple. And there are veils, places where the pattern fights against you. You have to overcome both a great physical strain and a great emotional strain to pass through them. Uncle Random tells me that there are four of them. Those who are not of the blood can not survive the walk. And there have been those who are of the blood who have died trying. Everyone I have talked to tells me that this will be the single greatest challenge of my life. I only hope I am ready for it."
Lilly's uncertainty draws Garrett away from his own thoughts and back to hers. He lies on his side next to her, propped up on his left elbow and rests his right hand tenderly on her upper arm. His smile is the same one his mother always had for him when he awoke from his nightmares - warm and reassuring.
As he moves Lilly meets his eyes. For perhaps the first time, Garrett can see the vulnerability there. She was not nearly as sure of herself as the rumors say she is.
"I know it prob'ly doesn't mean much coming from me, but I know you can do it," he says gently. "And I'm sure everyone else does, too. Physically, you're as fit as anyone here. The thing is, you have to know you can do it. You have to believe it. There's only so much anyone can prove beyond a doubt. Trust me on that one," he grins. "Past that point, you just gotta have faith. It's like a bridge between the known and the possible. And you'll never get to the possible if you can't cross that bridge."
"It is not the physical action that troubles me. Yes, you are right, if our cousins can physically do this then so can I. I know that," she looks away again back up to the heavens, searching perhaps for the words she has so seldom spoken. "I am not sure I am mentally ready. They say the pattern tests your mind in ways that can not be imagined. It calls forth many images, things from the past, things that must be dealt with. I am not sure I can deal with those ghosts. With her..." Instantly she hates herself for saying those last two words and Garrett can feel the anger and tension rising within her.
Garrett squeezes her shoulder as he lowers his head, eyes closed. He wants to help. Really. But at this point, he's sure asking "Who?" would just close Lilly completely. He shifts his position, lowering his left arm so his head is propped on his hand, close to Lilly's silky black hair - a silent offering of a shoulder to lean on if she wants it. He rubs his right hand up and down her arm, not gently, but with nearly the firmness of a massage, willing the tension out of her muscles. For several minutes, he does not speak.
At first this seems to cause a rise in the tension. Not because she wants him to stop, but because she does not. After a moment though, Lilly begins to relax and she reminds herself that running away would just, in the end, make them both miserable. Fears had to be faced, even essentially minor ones such as this.
When he finally does, his voice is barely above a whisper. "Sometimes the only way to banish ghosts is to bring them into the open," he encourages. His eyes meet hers and won't let go. "I don't have to be anywhere 'til dawn. Tell me who's haunting you." He pauses, then whispers, "Please." His touch on her arm is again gentle, soothing.
She opens her mouth to protest but the words never form. He was right. Stepping on the pattern with so much anger locked inside of her would probably be detrimental. It was best to at least begin facing some of her deepest pains now, when she is safe. A small lump begins to form in her throat. Lily swallows hard, forcing herself to speak.
"My mother had an affair with a Prince of Amber as well. I was conceived out of wedlock. The difference between you and I is that your mother fought to keep you. She gave you love and guidance. Even her marriage was probably, in some ways, for your sake.
"My mother left me to die."
She falls silent as she fights back the tears, fights back twenty years of built of anger and resentment and feelings of inadequacy, fights back the pain that only those who have been completely abandoned could ever know.
Garrett continues stroking her arm gently. He remembers yesterday in the library, when he needed her to be analytical so he could manage his own emotions. And she was. Now it's his turn.
"Wait. Back up," he says calmly. "Who was your mother? Where was she from? And what were the circumstances of her leaving you - do you know?"
Lilly takes a calming breath and forces herself to focus on Garrett's calming presence. "I know very little of my home to be honest. I was little more then a babe when I left there. What I do know is that I was left in an orphanage moments after my birth, not hours, not days, moments. Most other infants died within a few weeks due to the horrendous living conditions. They always told me I was lucky there. Quite frankly, I never agreed. It seemed a much more merciful ending." Her voice drips with disdain.
Garrett listens carefully, letting her vent but staying objective. He seems to be mentally trying to put together the pieces. "So someone took you out of the orphanage when you were still a very young child," he reasons. "How did he or she know you were there? Was it the same person who raised you? You certainly didn't learn your swordsmanship in any orphanage," he smiles.
"I was perhaps four. One particularly cold, miserable night, a stranger came storming into the room. He demanded to see me. I remember not being frightened so much as curious. I suppose even at that age I figured there was nothing he could possibly do to make my life worse. Of course the women that ran the place had no idea what to make of it. They simply pointed to me and stepped out of his path. He reached down and took me in his arms in an amazingly tender way. He covered me with one of the thread bare blankets and we left. I never saw that place again.
"It was only a very short time ago, just before the war, that I discovered that he was indeed my father and not just a kind stranger. I think on some level I always knew that but it was good to have the confirmation." Speaking of the facts concerning the situation seemed to be calming Lilly further. She might almost be rational once again.
"Hmm," Garrett sits up cross-legged on the cloak and rests his elbows on his knees and his chin on his clasped hands. He stares a bit past her with narrowed eyes, thinking. "It doesn't make sense," he muses finally. "You were too young to know who you were, and the matrons had no clue who he was, but your father found you. Somehow he knew, or more likely found out, you were there."
Lilly gives a thoughtful nod. There is no argument to be made. Somehow her father did know about her, and somehow he did manage to find her. The questions then centered on how... any why.
He looks back at her thoughtfully, his head slightly cocked, pulling her along in his logic. "It can't be a coincidence. And let's face it. Prince Benedict is a lot of things, but warm family man is not the first thing that comes to mind. He wouldn't be prowling around an orphanage by chance. Someone told him about you. Someone who knew you were his daughter. Did he ever say how he came to find you?"
"My father and I seem to have trouble communicating from time to time. I think perhaps we are too much alike. We seldom discuss much of anything that does not pertain to weapons prowess. When pressed, he told me that he found me and that was enough. But perahps you are right. Perhaps it is not enough. Perhaps he knew I was there all along. Or perhaps he returned to her and she told him of my where abouts. Perhaps she was quite disappointed that I did not have the good sense to die and hoped he would finish the job." Lilly hates the bitterness that sounds in her voice. She knows it is like a poison that threatens her very life. Somehow though she can not simply cast it aside. The anger simply runs too deep.
Garrett nods as she speaks, but winces at that last sentence. He stares at her, looking pained. "You're more stubborn than me mum," he finally sighs, shaking his head and looking at the ground.
In a moment, he looks back up at her and says patiently, "You said me mum fought to keep me, and that's true. But she did it because she _could_. She had Dad and his whole family to back her up. What if she hadn't? What if she'd been destitute, or sick? What if she'd died giving birth to me? Things would've been a hell of a lot diff'rent."
Lilly can only nod in agreement. A simple grain of sand can change the tide, her father would say. They could spend all night asking what if and speculating. It would change nothing. There was no sure way to garner the truth from such undertakings. Still It would not hurt to at least try to allow for possibilities she had not before considered.
His expression grows more serious and his words more adamant. "I'll admit to a bias in favor of mothers, but from what I've seen me entire life, most women would do anything to save their children. _Anything_. Even if it wasn't the best solution. Mum thought I was in more danger from them," he nods at the castle, "than from a life with less, so she kept me. But if she couldn't have kept me safe, if she thought I'd be hurt or killed by staying with her, she would have GIVEN ME UP to him. It would've KILLED her to do it, but she'd've DONE it." He stops and lets this sink in. The subject has obviously struck a nerve with Garrett and he needs to calm down himself.
Her gaze shifts from the sky to his eyes. Her own eyes narrow slightly as it does so.
He continues more softly. "Have you ever considered that perhaps - just perhaps - you don't know the whole story? That perhaps your mother died when you were born? Or perhaps she was sick and starving on the streets? Or had a abusive family who would've hurt you? Lilly, I know the place you grew up in was horrible, but perhaps she meant it to be temporary, until the danger passed or until she could find someone who could keep you safe." He reaches out to brush the back of her hand with his fingertips and looks steadily into her eyes. "Or perhaps it happened just as you've always believed. All I'm saying is...perhaps it didn't."
Her eyes soften. "You are right," she says sounding very much as if she had to force those words to come out. "I... I just can not understand how a woman could knowingly place a child in such care. And I suppose she could be dead. To be honest I had never really considered that. If not, and if that place was really the best option she had, and if she really believed she was doing the best for me... well then let's just say that is one shadow I never want to visit." She shook her head in an effort to displace the dark images that had crept into her mind. She did not want to relive pieces of her life in that orphanage right now.
Garrett sees the shadow come over Lilly's face as plain as if a cloud crossed the moon. He squeezes her hand and lowers his head. If any of the anger he suddenly feels toward the people that did this to her is showing, he doesn't want her to see it. When he looks back up, it's with a small, reassuring smile.
"Parents do odd things to protect their children I suppose. My father had me raised in Tecys because he did not want me in the castle either. In fact no one knew I existed until the war. Most of the cousins have similar tales. Your mother has good instincts. I would never wish to raise a child as a royal." She seems much calmer, much more introspective, much closer to normal.
Garrett smiles. "I never really thought about it before today, but I reckon she does. In her own way," he adds with a chuckle. He stretches back out on his side next to Lilly, still holding her hand. "So tell me about the people who raised you in ...Tecys, was it?"
As she begins to speak he can tell she likes this subject much better. "My foster father, Mallet, is a smith. He crafts some of the finest blades I have ever seen. My father and I both prefer them above all others. It was he who gave me my first sword. It was a bit of a compromise between us. Jade, my foster mother, hated it. At least she did at first. I think with time she got used to the idea. Still she always insisted I study things like sewing and manners and everything else associated with being a noble lady. It was very important to her that I learned to play both roles."
Garrett shakes his head and chuckles, trying to imagine Lilly sewing.
"As a child I far preferred Mallet's company. And I'm sure you can understand why. As I grew though, I appreciated both of them more and more. I would not be who I am today without them. And I would not have been prepared for life here in Amber had only one of them gotten their way. I really miss them."
Garrett lets go of Lilly's hand and lays on his back beside her, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Isn't it funny," he muses, "how sometimes the best family are the ones that aren't even related to you? It's like they love you 'cause they want to, not 'cause they have to. Like me dad. All me life, I wanted to be just like him, but it turns out he's not me dad at all."
Lilly nods. He was certainly correct. Love did not always recognize blood and blood did not always recognize love. That was a lesson she was still trying to fully understand.
Garrett smiles wistfully as he gazes at the stars. "And his parents are still the only grandparents I ever knew. Mum and I lived with them on the docksides when I was little, before we moved up here. In fact, I was born down there. We used to visit a lot, back before the Sundering." He pauses and the smile fades. "They're the ones I really miss."
"I didn't know my grandfather but he spoke to us, once. It was odd. Very odd. I imagine he must have been a great man in many ways. I wish I had met him, even just once. But I suppose he lives on, in his children. Perhaps I should ask someone, someone impartial, who among them is most like their father and who is the least. That should give me some insight, don't you think?" This idea seems to amuse Lilly. Perhaps that is because she fully suspects everyone family member would have a different answer. Even if they named the same person, their reasons would surely differ.
Garrett snorts, sharing her amusement. "Yeah. Try finding someone impartial around here," he laughs. He continues, "You know, I met him once. Just once. I was real little so I don't remember much. I do remember there was something just...I don't know..._great_ about him. I can't explain it." He looks for a moment if he's about to try, but shakes his head and gives up.
Garrett stares up at the stars and emits a contented sigh. His mind wanders over past, present and future with equal emphasis. Out of the blue, he says, "I'd like to meet Mallet and Jade someday. Perhaps after you do this pattern thing, we can stop while we're trying to find some good cliffs."
The sound of the bells of the watch break Garrett out of his reverie. He rises onto his elbows and looks to the east. "Crap. It'll be dawn in a glass or two." He rolls onto his side, putting him very close to Lilly, and strokes the back of her hand. "I reckon you better go back up. I won't have you weak on your pattern test 'cause you stayed out all night with me." His expression and tone, though, tell her his heart's not in that suggestion.
Her gaze follows his momentarily. A regretful sigh escapes her lips. Turning back to him, her heart jumps as she realizes just how close they are. An unknown anxiety begins to rise within her chest. She should flee into the night before this situation gets out of her control. The problem is she simply does not want to do that.
"If I am tired, I'll delay for a day. I am certain the King would not allow me to walk if he did not feel I was at my peak anyway. All the same, you are right. It is late. We probably should head back." Of course she does not move at all as she says the words.
"Yeah. We prob'ly should," he agrees softly as his hand gently slides around her waist. Lilly can feel a slight tremble in his arm across her body.
Her body stiffens slightly but she resists pulling away. Fear starts to build within her chest making it hard to breathe. Despite that, she wants to be right here with Garrett more then anything.
Garrett's eyes flick from her eyes to her lips and back again, silently inquiring. And as he tilts his head slightly to brush his lips to hers, he whispers, "Tell me if this isn't okay."
Lilly expects her voice to betray her, to echo the fear rather then the desire as it so often does. The intensity of the moment caught her off guard. Months, or even days ago she would have run. She would have yelled that it was not ok. She would have chosen loneliness. Loneliness was simple. It was something she understood. She had never really needed anyone, never really wanted anyone. No one that is except for her foster parents. Even when she felt completed isolated they had been there. Their love was ever present. Since coming to Amber, she had not had that. People seemed to leave more often then they stayed. Every friend she had begun to make had slipped away from her. That would not happen this time. Not if she could help it.
"I will." She whispers back before completely handing herself over to the moment.
Lilly feels rather than sees Garrett's smile at those two words, just before he completes the kiss that he started. The arm around her waist draws her closer as his other arm slides under her head, cradling her in the crook of his elbow, his fingers slipping through her silky hair. He kisses her gently but eagerly. Even so, he is on watch for her reaction and backs off if she seems hesitant. After everything she's told him tonight, he won't risk scaring her by pushing too far too fast. He'd rather there be a next time. And a next.
All or nothing. That is how Lilly does things. Once the decision is made not to pull away, every ounce of her passion channels into this one kiss. It is an extraordinary thing. Very few could have imagined it coming from her. Yet there it is, hitting Garrett with its full force.
Garrett gasps with surprise at the unexpected passion of her response but recovers immediately. Pulling her close against him, he matches her intensity.
At that crossroads between drawing rein and moving to the next level, Garrett reluctantly draws rein. Still cradling Lilly's head and stroking her hair, he leans back enough to look into her eyes. "We really do need to go," he says with some effort, "or I'll soon cease to be a gentleman."
She nods, un uncharacteristically bright smile gracing her features as she looks at him. "I never understood how people let those sorts of things happen. Now I think I've learned something." Lilly is quite certain that she would not have stopped either it seems if things had gone further. The pause reminds her of her father's warning however. Garrett was right. They needed to return to their own rooms.
Garrett rests his forehead against Lilly's, dazed, his breath still coming in gasps. His eyes are closed, but there is a grin a furlong wide on his face. Whoever said fireworks don't explode in Amber was sadly mistaken.
After savoring the moment, Garrett reluctantly releases Lilly from his embrace. Emotional elation mix with physical disappointment as he rises a bit awkwardly to his knees. Being noble sucks.
Lilly leans in and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek before she rises up. Without word she retrieves her sword. Before he can become alarmed it is safely at her side.
Garrett picks up the cloak and shakes it out, then drapes it over his arm at about waist-level. He watches as she buckles the steely chaparone back around her waist, amazed at the transformation he has just witnessed. Her beautiful smile, her intense passion. It was like the sun breaking through the clouds after weeks of rain. He'd do anything to keep those clouds away.
"I will let you know when I am leaving as soon as I know. I hope we can find some more time to spend together before then. Perhaps we can meet tomorrow or something. Susan could probably use a good run, I think. Perhaps later in the day if I can." She sounds more then a bit hopeful.
Garrett can't stop grinning. "I'd like that, but I'll be in the lib'ry until late. I don't know if you heard, but I'm doing double duty there in the evenings, fixing books and stuff. We could do a moonlight ride, or a late walk in the gardens, if you don't want to start rumors at the stables," Garrett suggests. With an affectionate one-armed squeeze, he adds, "I'll meet you somewhere so you don't have to climb through the roof."
She actually lets out a genuine laugh.
"I can meet you at the library. As long as I am still in Amber that is. That might be the easiest thing. Too much sneaking about and we will have rumors flying. I'd prefer to just go about our business." Best to hide things in plain sight, she thinks to herself. Discretion did not always imply sneaking off in the middle of the night. That only happened when it was convenient...
Garrett nods. "It's a date, then. I'll watch for you."
"Do you want me to escort you back?" She is still smiling and her tone is pleasant. Clearly she is teasing. He can handle himself. She is sure of that. Part of her just needs to know that he is sure she can handle herself as well.
He gives her a withering look before breaking back out in the grin. "No, I reckon I can manage from here, thanks," he answers with a suppressed laugh.
Before he begins the walk back home, Garrett squeezes her hand and kisses her cheek. "Goodnight, Sunshine. Sleep well," he smiles as he pulls away. The nickname would probably sound facetious from anyone else, but there is nothing but affection in Garrett's voice or the sparkle in his eyes.
She shakes her head in mock dismay at the use of the nickname. Try as she might though, she can not hide the happiness she is feeling. "Good Night." Quickly she takes her leave before she has a chance to reconsider.
Last modified: 11 October 2004